Living in Illusion

I know it been like 6841965456468146468 hours since i lasted posted...

I decide to lj again, as something bad happen...and i just wanna express it here.

Yesterday, it was the day where i really cried like hell... and it's the day where i thought she gonna be gone forever.

I nv had such experience, as i was still young when such thing happen. But because you weakness, till now even i thought of it i feels like crying.

We intend to go Aranda Country Club book the chalet for my cousin, his birthday is coming soon, but while waiting for my uncle to send us over, I not sure how does it happened, my grandmother fell down. She blacked out for a moment, i thought what happen, i just rush over to her to wake her up, den there where this elderly couple passed by, saw and helped us, just calming our emotion, slowly told us what to do. You know you shld called ambulance, but at that time just blank in mind. When i was on the phone, telling what happen, i just break down and cried. To me already sounded so dramatic, how about when you tell someone about it. Will they believe? But yes, it really happen like what you watch on tv. It's lucky that the medics now, are quite professional, they may be slow but steady.

Waiting outside the Emergency Wards, my mind was blank, i just pray for her nothing happen. She groaned in pain, the feeling nobody can understand, I also dunno what to do, i stopped tearing but my hands just trembling like nobody business. I am scared, afraid that she will be gone, although I know that this is a matter of time, but i dun want such thing to happen. If anything really happen to her, I dunno if I am able to survive too. It been 21 years, I had been staying with her for 21 years, since baby, to who I am now.

The moments i heard that she's fine, I am so happy, but the moment that i see her on wheelchair, i realize she suddenly grown old. And again, i thinking, would it better if i am the one injured and not her. At least, i can tahan the pain, I can support myself, healing is faster too.

That happening is too sudden, too scary, i not sure how long can i forget that incident, but now what i can do is to help out all hse work, and also attend to her need.

Hope that she can recovers faster.

Exactly, 3 months since i last posted.

so this time round it should be a long long want...sorry people if u were to get irritation for the long long post...picture i haven upload yet so shall just wrapped up a bit day by day...

BEFORE CHINESE NEW YEAR

The week before the new year was rather rush, sleepless nights, irritating, nervous, helpless. Firstly, it was our test week, and it was practically right after my presentation (there's only 2 days for me to study). But everything ended on Thursday, lucky and we have a learning celebration (picture posted on facebook). It was rather fun because of the pictures being showed.

I was so afraid that my new year clothes would not arrive on time, as this time round i had ordered most of the clothes from online, lucky it arrived, so happy at least i need not waste another few hundreds bucks to buy the clothes, i need to save for my birthday....haha...coming soon.

Then, on Friday, we went to su's house to bake cookies, as well as bake muffins too, it was fun. I should upload the photos to show how had i designed the muffins...i would say it's freaking cute. Not saying that i am boasting, it's really cute. haha.... I really learn how to bake, and i am so tempted to buy a set of baking materials, - oven, mixer, a lot of things...haha....i am going to psycho my aunt to buy those stuffs for me.

CHINESE NEW YEAR

It's a boring CHINESE NEW YEAR, this year. Because my cousins and relatives so called migrate to SHANGHAI. Thus, this year has short lots of fun from the two kids. And i had watch two Hongkong movies on the First n Third day of new year. But lucky the movies are funny, if not i will die. Haha.. then, days passed really fast.

Another Friday which just passed recently, was really awesome, Mira, Su, Steph and I went to pasir ris park to ride bicycle, I am sure that the two girls who do not know how to ride bicycle, now they are expert. And i think that they loved it. haha...

Today is already 22nd February. The ninth day of CNY. Today there will be a lot people coming to my house, although is all the relatives and friends, but i feel irritated, because they play mahjong, and i don't like people to gamble, especially my mother, keep on gambling and she don't do the cooking and stuffs, as for me i just lock myself in the room. haha...i just not as sociable as anyone else in the family.

AFTER NEW YEAR

i going to write a little of what i going expect for my birthday. And also my wishlist for my baobeiix to choose haha.

Expectation
I hope that on that day, will goes smoothly, i hope that i am able to cope with the situation there, as there are different groups of people be on that day. There will be my family, relatives, primary school friends, secondary school friends, polytechnic friends, and also outside friends (ex-colleagues). I hope they will come. haha

WISHLIST

Baobeiix, things i want is very expensive. I bu hao yi shi, you to buy those stuffs for me. So sorry i think you can come without present...cuz frankly speaking i also dunno what i want...haha...

OMG... it's so sianz.

I just send for repair of my lappy, an hour plus ago, gone again. and now all my files and memories are gone. I feel very sad, i lost the photos. and of course my school work stuffs.

i would expect to have something to refer back for my report now, it's all gone lar. sianz...i wanna cry liao lar...

I'm here to lj again...

Another week had passed...we are end with around 7 weeks to finish our projects...And i think i starting to feel the stress... I think I'll get stress up very easily...

Thanks people who are around, constantly reminding me, company me, caring for me, talk to me, joke with me, listen to me... Whenever you need help I'll always be there are for you all...

Love,
Cherlene

Ever since my relatives had left for Shanghai last Tuesday, everything in my eyes had seemed meaningless...Nothing really comes interest me... I may look fine...Down in my heart is crying like tomorrow is the end...I am listening to the song Saturday Night by Wang Lee Hom... The tune of the music made me even more sad...

This week is my first week of school...I still can't get use to the school life, although it only 2 or 3 months of SIP...I have been going home straight after school like i used to, when I was in Secondary School. Whenever I'm home, I'll just hope I can see my cousin. But now they are gone at another country. I miss them...So I'll reach home to Skype with them. And that's the only way I can do. Now the song that's playing is "MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY" by The Moffats.

Actually, I lied to someone during my conversation with my friend. That the only to deceive myself and to maintain our friendship. I regretted not asking you back, all my ???, all my why why why??? But is all gonna be gone soon, I wish you happy.

I am sorry to most of my friends, if you been asking me out or what so ever, if i rejected, the reason is simple, I would like to stay at home to accompany my family more.

Today seemed like I gonna complain everything. I suddenly felt somehow lonely...Sorry that I somehow can't open up thought my closers friends, babe, gf...

Yeah man, it;s like 73205938324029384 hours since i last lj lar. Haha but anyway.. I MISS SCHOOL...I MISS B.A. I MISS MY PROJECT GROUP MEMBERS. I MISS ALL THE LAUGHTER.

I PRACTICALLY MISS EVERYTHING...

Does it shows that i am not happy working??? Ans is partly. I started to get use to working already. I thought of working part-time but just scare that i unable to cope, as this is my final sem.

Attachment ending in another 2 weeks plus time. Damn fast, And this shows that my cousins are going to Shanghai soon. I gonna miss them like siao lar....so close to them since they were born. OMG thought of it, i'm sad liao lo...I wanna go there too... I might be going to there to work or study too....

SAD SAD SAD

Sometime, I just think that it's too difficult for me to believe in what i heard. Only when things occur i choose to believe that. Am I just a tool or am I just too easy to believe in certain things or am I just too naive ?

I tried to forget but the happening is simply just like the current coming one after another. 

I am getting tired of it, i do not know how to face the problem.

Glad that it's soon coming to an end. It's a time for self-reflection.

And sometimes, I just feel like running away from reality. But what to do, I have got no where to head to.

This is just one in a million obstacles which I have to go through before facing the deathbed, or would i say before i turning 21, sounded miserable, but I am accepting that this is the fact that I am going through.

I shall STOP, and i would also wish that all nonsensical stuffs would just stop at once...

wahaha...i took back my lappy ;p but but but...my projs had all finish le....some good some not good....so it's average lar...

Everything has being going soooooo F--- Up ever since school reopen...

Firstly, tutors go on honeymoon, thus approvals cannot be done. NVM
Secondly, Instructions give were so unclear, changes to be made here n there, another F---er. NVM
Thirdly, my lappy spoiled, in the midst of considering to buy new one, spending $600 to repair isnt worth it right. KNN
Fourth, yesterday come out so many problem from the school. FCB
Fifth, today come out with so many problems like having the whole cohord to fail the F---ing Subject. NBCB
Sixth, just now only, my dad try to joke or play with me, my mood is just that bad, ended up kana scold and say by him, WTF, KNNBCCB....

I really cannot take it liao...

I cried. till now...

Haha... Lol took a quiz a moment ago about What the true story about you and who famous peoples that share the same personality as yours via birth date.

and the result is --->You were born on 15th of March 1989.

:: Actor.
:: Talented to entertain people.
:: Loving and generous.
:: With their natural attraction, they have no problems to befriend with anybody.
:: Have a lots of personality that make others hard to understand them.
:: Like a chameleon, they manage to suits themselves with environment.
:: Lucky, but they suffer cause they depend mostly in luck and mood.

Famous people that share your personalities : Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Gloria Steinem, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley.

and i found it's quite true with the last three points which yesterday have a chat with my two lovely girls Steph n Mich. When we went to the playground to have a chat and also when we reach home, the chat really make me think a lot and realized who i am and what i am belonged to and how am i like been accepted by them...haha...thanks girls...i will try to share my problem with u all okie...not just u all share with me....i will really try...cuz sometimes i really find it difficult to express myself...haha...

okie this wil be wordy post okie...

haha..
lol...
i think there are really a lot things which is up to individually to believe or not. But i choose to belief that the only way to maintain no matter what relationships... And i really dun wanna think so much the "future"... there are so many unpredictable issues and happenings.

anyway, yesterday there was a surprise for our bdae girl Qi. we stayed till like 1 plus goin 2 den leave and after that steph mich and i went to the play to chat...there won't photos uploaded here but at the FB...haha...

that all ppl....
there are so many projects...omg..i really dunno how to do and no motivation to do it....it's just too much okie...