Living in Illusion

OMG... it's so sianz.

I just send for repair of my lappy, an hour plus ago, gone again. and now all my files and memories are gone. I feel very sad, i lost the photos. and of course my school work stuffs.

i would expect to have something to refer back for my report now, it's all gone lar. sianz...i wanna cry liao lar...

I'm here to lj again...

Another week had passed...we are end with around 7 weeks to finish our projects...And i think i starting to feel the stress... I think I'll get stress up very easily...

Thanks people who are around, constantly reminding me, company me, caring for me, talk to me, joke with me, listen to me... Whenever you need help I'll always be there are for you all...

Love,
Cherlene

Ever since my relatives had left for Shanghai last Tuesday, everything in my eyes had seemed meaningless...Nothing really comes interest me... I may look fine...Down in my heart is crying like tomorrow is the end...I am listening to the song Saturday Night by Wang Lee Hom... The tune of the music made me even more sad...

This week is my first week of school...I still can't get use to the school life, although it only 2 or 3 months of SIP...I have been going home straight after school like i used to, when I was in Secondary School. Whenever I'm home, I'll just hope I can see my cousin. But now they are gone at another country. I miss them...So I'll reach home to Skype with them. And that's the only way I can do. Now the song that's playing is "MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY" by The Moffats.

Actually, I lied to someone during my conversation with my friend. That the only to deceive myself and to maintain our friendship. I regretted not asking you back, all my ???, all my why why why??? But is all gonna be gone soon, I wish you happy.

I am sorry to most of my friends, if you been asking me out or what so ever, if i rejected, the reason is simple, I would like to stay at home to accompany my family more.

Today seemed like I gonna complain everything. I suddenly felt somehow lonely...Sorry that I somehow can't open up thought my closers friends, babe, gf...

Yeah man, it;s like 73205938324029384 hours since i last lj lar. Haha but anyway.. I MISS SCHOOL...I MISS B.A. I MISS MY PROJECT GROUP MEMBERS. I MISS ALL THE LAUGHTER.

I PRACTICALLY MISS EVERYTHING...

Does it shows that i am not happy working??? Ans is partly. I started to get use to working already. I thought of working part-time but just scare that i unable to cope, as this is my final sem.

Attachment ending in another 2 weeks plus time. Damn fast, And this shows that my cousins are going to Shanghai soon. I gonna miss them like siao lar....so close to them since they were born. OMG thought of it, i'm sad liao lo...I wanna go there too... I might be going to there to work or study too....

SAD SAD SAD

Sometime, I just think that it's too difficult for me to believe in what i heard. Only when things occur i choose to believe that. Am I just a tool or am I just too easy to believe in certain things or am I just too naive ?

I tried to forget but the happening is simply just like the current coming one after another. 

I am getting tired of it, i do not know how to face the problem.

Glad that it's soon coming to an end. It's a time for self-reflection.

And sometimes, I just feel like running away from reality. But what to do, I have got no where to head to.

This is just one in a million obstacles which I have to go through before facing the deathbed, or would i say before i turning 21, sounded miserable, but I am accepting that this is the fact that I am going through.

I shall STOP, and i would also wish that all nonsensical stuffs would just stop at once...

wahaha...i took back my lappy ;p but but but...my projs had all finish le....some good some not good....so it's average lar...

Everything has being going soooooo F--- Up ever since school reopen...

Firstly, tutors go on honeymoon, thus approvals cannot be done. NVM
Secondly, Instructions give were so unclear, changes to be made here n there, another F---er. NVM
Thirdly, my lappy spoiled, in the midst of considering to buy new one, spending $600 to repair isnt worth it right. KNN
Fourth, yesterday come out so many problem from the school. FCB
Fifth, today come out with so many problems like having the whole cohord to fail the F---ing Subject. NBCB
Sixth, just now only, my dad try to joke or play with me, my mood is just that bad, ended up kana scold and say by him, WTF, KNNBCCB....

I really cannot take it liao...

I cried. till now...

Haha... Lol took a quiz a moment ago about What the true story about you and who famous peoples that share the same personality as yours via birth date.

and the result is --->You were born on 15th of March 1989.

:: Actor.
:: Talented to entertain people.
:: Loving and generous.
:: With their natural attraction, they have no problems to befriend with anybody.
:: Have a lots of personality that make others hard to understand them.
:: Like a chameleon, they manage to suits themselves with environment.
:: Lucky, but they suffer cause they depend mostly in luck and mood.

Famous people that share your personalities : Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Gloria Steinem, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley.

and i found it's quite true with the last three points which yesterday have a chat with my two lovely girls Steph n Mich. When we went to the playground to have a chat and also when we reach home, the chat really make me think a lot and realized who i am and what i am belonged to and how am i like been accepted by them...haha...thanks girls...i will try to share my problem with u all okie...not just u all share with me....i will really try...cuz sometimes i really find it difficult to express myself...haha...

okie this wil be wordy post okie...

haha..
lol...
i think there are really a lot things which is up to individually to believe or not. But i choose to belief that the only way to maintain no matter what relationships... And i really dun wanna think so much the "future"... there are so many unpredictable issues and happenings.

anyway, yesterday there was a surprise for our bdae girl Qi. we stayed till like 1 plus goin 2 den leave and after that steph mich and i went to the play to chat...there won't photos uploaded here but at the FB...haha...

that all ppl....
there are so many projects...omg..i really dunno how to do and no motivation to do it....it's just too much okie...

well...a short post maybe after a long long time that i since posted the last post...haha sounded like rap

okie it has been project meeting and meeting and even more meetings for the past weeks and also this week too...although it is only like meeting up for two days... haha ya...but it's kindle okie becuz we are still on our track n not delaying anymore things... michelle is here...i gonna chat with her lo...

haha...

I'm sorry babe...cannot make it to ur graduation...i have wished to take photos with u on ur graduation. but my lesson had extended to 7pm...lo...becuz of make up lesson...omg...every time the make-up lecture has to be so late...i really bored of it...6 Jun 09 dunno if u can..we can go K-lunch...cuz my mid-sem ends le...

this week was rather normal...meet up with frenz chatted, cam-whoring, play and what else....projects....

photos too much...i dun think i'm going to upload any....haha...too much le...over 100 plus plus...and most of it are like so "buang" so i'm not going to upload...haha...that's all...

Okie today is the mall management quiz and i just simply screw it up...okie although it's only 10% but  i just hope that it will help me in future...lol...haha...

In another hour time, i gonna go causeway point for the EVENT...BORED....

going prepare lo....

Actually i'm content that i'm in this class apart from some people whom we dun like, but we just hacked it.... I think that this year i can slowly express my thoughts and others easily. Maybe last 2 years, i'm more inferior in myself. With my low confidence, low self-esteem and dunno what other that i can describe on me....

there a thing which i suddenly feel like meeting this friend, when today we actually said a mall. haha....sounded stupid. but ya, u know human are like that...

okie yesterday went to our school opposite KOPITIAM...erm i'm refering to zhss okie. and so unlucky that one of our lecturer saw us....okie this lecturer lives in serangoon also...omg... no wonder that time saw this lecturer eating alone at another kopitiam. okie that all... the dinner was ALA with Jackson, just because my dear girl michelle got no others frenz no., those with high potential of joining. haha...okie that was a catch up, i would say.

Projects PRojects PROjects PROJects PROJEcts PROJECts PROJECTs and PROJECTS....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Exams EXams EXAms EXAMs and EXAMS are nearing
STRESSSSSSSS.....

Lol....maybe i shal say that this post is like a wrap up for the month wahaha... ya this is the second week of school... today is another new start of the month... what can i say I CAN SLEEP AT LATE  HOUR AND WAKE UP LIKE ULTRA LATE FOR TOMOLO...wahaha...hoho...

omg i can say that i was f---ing shag in the morning lar...wake up like 9.30am when my lecture is like 10am....haha lucky it's client briefing....and thanks to my neighbour Gabriel, nish's friend being one of the speaking and called me to ans his question. i hate to ans qn okie...wahaha..okie lucky that's over...wasn't anything big deal...

i dunno why this few weeks i seemed moody, lethargic, restless, and dunno what other symptoms... omg...i'm too tired to continue... i wanna sleep....bless me that i will still alive whenever i do... i think if i were to go out now...i would either fall off the stairs, kanna bang by car also possible (choi choi choi lar) ...lol....cannot tahan liao...bye people...as in goodnight....pray that i don't go out now...

Hi yeah...

People maybe thinking who this particular friend of mine is...if u are close enough wit me den i will definitely that the person u guess is correct...but anyway... i'm feeling happy that i can actually treat this person normal...and like the previous 5 yrs of awkward...haha...

And suddenly i've come to realize that if possible in every outing, i'll treat the person as someone stranger... and trying to get to know the person as if u have not seen before, the feeling rather not bad... the only thing in yourself seemed fake to your friends, but on the other hand u are also trying to change yourself...anyway...it's a nice outing with you...looking forward to our next meeting den...

something happy thing that i shld say...i got a new hp...haha...can say that i shld happy that i changed my hp, but also can say that i shld be say, becuz there are some function which it does not have... but anyway...that's not the problem...

okie now is like 3.30am plus....in the next twelve hours i'm going to meet my friend... and i dunno if this friend ever know that i have a livejournal or blogger...wahaha...i have been blogging about my friend...wahaha...shld i treat it as we are just as good as before and not in an awkward way...or shld i just simply treat you as someone like a stranger, which the meeting later will be our first...and get to know each others...

okie... it been years.. and i haven get this off...like what my babe say...the time is up...i shall have it rest off...and not holding on the tonnes of question in mind...and getting upset at the end....although i always try not and get the things off my mind...

i think i know what to do... and i believe whatever the decision i had made...my babe who i always share my thoughts with and my girlfriends and of course my baobeii...they will support me... and no more thinking of anything....it shall be the end after tml...and a new life of mw will begin on wed...haha...

*baobeiix... ever since after the last meeting...we haven been contacting and meetings....omg...shld i called her soon...to meet up...or just a single-sided thinking that she's always busy to return calls and msg...

Just another day passed, count down to school reopen " 16" more days to go... OMG... what can i say during this period of holiday ----> BORED...

Yes is bored okie, luckily i have a group of buddies that will ask me out if not i will definitely rot like hell...wahaha...no income but only "outcome" wahaha kindle lame...but i'm really bored...

one that day i gained during this holiday is even deeper understanding of friendship with my others friends, as we did not meet up like about a year..ya... and some is like since we entered secondary school... so i'm always looking forward to go out with them.

ans during this holiday i watched like quite a few movies although is less than five, but to me is considered a lot...wahaha...every week one movie...ya...

there shall be no images uploaded in this post...as most of the pictures are uploaded in facebook or my photobuckets...

Sign off 11.04am
Cherlene

haha from 6 of march till now 7 march 2009

currently is 12.30am plus...i'm outside with my frenz...at lan shop...

TODAY IS THE FOURTH DAY...

okie no need to guess people....i mean i am sick and today is the fourth day...going to die soon...okie choy lar hor....haha...

i dunno why....out of a sudden...life seemed so meaningless...haha...i think i should really find something to do...activities...okie... i wanna do a lots of things...but cash is the problem to me...and i dun even feel like going out...it's been raining daily...omg... i dun feel like going out...plus plus plus i'm sick...wahaha...i think is hoilday....if were to say....i think the no. of times i went out can be count easily just by my both hands, ten fingers...wahaha...

SICK....i hate u....Leave Me Alone FOREVER....

haha after a few months of not lj-ing....just not use to it...i intend to close down since i will not blog it often..but pictures in it will be deleted too...i just can't bear to separate it...haha...as i got STML..wahaha...anyway it shall be a long-winded post...with pictures of couse...

not long ago...we celebrated jas's bdae....and of course happy and also sad to say...things changes okie..but i'm glad that we met....and since then, i realized i seemed to even more quiteter than before....last time at least there are times whereby i will crap like dunno what...and now i seem to change...dunno why...dun ask....i looking back to my Optimistic character...haha

let pictures do the speaking for now...haha...



the bdae cake...of course...




of course the bdae girl...


short of amira....becuz she;s the photographer...


L.O.V.E...


sorry it was meant to be a jump shot....


a proper jump shot...and congrats to nish...finally make it...

we'll got to skip to ending photos okie... too much liao...can go my facebook see wahaha..


the luge...did i spell wrongly...


we end our day at sentosa...and went to slack at vivo...

that the end for this... NEXT...

okie on the 26th of march 2009... steph and i ended our papers...and we went to bugis to meet michelle and qi....dunno what should it called...as qi is going to her attachment on sunday...which is 1st march... we gonna miss her for two months..actually is less than 2 months as it is only seven weeks...haha...okie...it's a pity drea cannot make it becuz of her attachment n briefing... but let me share some pictures with you...


the sec jump shot and it's success...okie...this picture make qi also wanna do jump shot...but sad to say we are unable to do a successful one...erm and i still say i wasn't in the mood of taking photos ended up i taking a lots of photos wahaha...


qi and her unagi pizza...she's hungry on that day okie...it wasn't enough for her...can u expect she's so slim and she can eat....


first one-normal...second one- ah lian- third one-bo chiam


finally a proper shot...


i would say that....taking pictures with qi will only make ur face look bigger....u can see the diff....sorry steph for asking u to hold the camera becuz ur arm is long...


okie den i hold the camera...no diff...haiz sad..


they like the slippers...(i think so)

okie the rest of the photos i'm lazy to post liao...tml..i'll continue more updates on my days that i passed....recently....

and uploading of the photos takes up my time of sleeping...i gonna sleep liao...

and babe ah...i not going to audi liao...i wanna sleep le....my kor finally let me use his com for blogging....wahaha...

can view more pictures of ours on facebook...